Since the postgraduate entrance examination in September last year, it has been a long time since I updated my blog. I used to keep my thoughts to myself. But on this occasion of graduation, there are always some words I want to say, to commemorate the past four years.
Thinking back on these four years, every scene in my memory is vivid, as if it happened just yesterday. I remember the first day of school, when we first met in the dormitory, testing and speculating about each other. But I never thought that four years later, what kind of lively young person you would become. There is no need to say much, we already understand each other. I think, until today, the ones I will miss the most are all of you.
When I first entered Guangzhou University, it was considered a miracle because my performance in the college entrance examination was not good. The only time I failed in my academic career was in the mathematics exam of the college entrance examination. But it was because of this "miracle" that I had the opportunity to come to Guangzhou University, to meet all of you, and to have the chance to grow. Unlike many students who did not perform well in the college entrance examination, I have no complaints. I just secretly decided that I would make my university life meaningful, without regrets, and reach the peak of Guangzhou University. Looking back after four years, I have indeed tried my best to achieve most of it.
During these four years, I have been searching for the most suitable state of life for myself. When I first started school, like most college students, I left behind the burden of high school coursework and faced absolute freedom. I couldn't suppress the excitement in my heart and became addicted to playing games. Apart from attending classes, I spent all my time playing games. But even with this kind of lifestyle, I was still able to receive a first-class scholarship. So I thought, why not spend my four years in college like this? Balancing studying and entertainment. However, I realized that this kind of studying was just passive acceptance without any desire for knowledge.
However, a significant change occurred suddenly in this carefree life.
In the second semester of my freshman year, I had a sudden pneumothorax and had to undergo surgery and stay in the hospital. I felt the pain from my heart like death, experienced the taste of excessive blood loss and shock, and even experienced the fear of almost entering the gates of hell. After the surgery, in the cardiac intensive care unit, I couldn't move at all, staring at the ceiling for several days, feeling extremely quiet and ethereal, thinking about how I should live my life from now on. Perhaps, I should leave something behind for this world... Perhaps, I should do everything I can... Only then can life be meaningful, right? Only then can this life not be wasted, right?
So, after recovering, I started to seek my own hobbies. At that time, there happened to be a VB programming course in my major, and I found myself interested in it. The professor also noticed my talent in this area and asked me to work on a project with him. Therefore, I gradually shifted towards technology. During my university years, I also minored in software engineering and joined the experimental center, working on an innovative project involving intelligent robots. I have to say that I experienced my own growth in the experimental center. In order to participate in a competition, I closed myself in the laboratory, studying hardware and software development day and night, and learned a lot. After my abilities were recognized, in my third and fourth year, I was hired by the School of Computer Science as a lecturer for the software engineering course, and I got to know many students (you can also call them juniors and sisters). During this period, I still believed that practicality should be the main focus of learning. I felt that the school's curriculum was somewhat outdated and not keeping up with the times. Therefore, when I taught the students in the second major, I emphasized timeliness and practicality.
But I personally hate being constrained, hate being bound by rules, and hate being bound by technology. So, I don't have any specific technical expertise. Whether it's hardware or software, design or development, front-end or back-end, programming or analysis, I have dabbled in all of them. I just do what I am interested in. I remember a younger student in the team once invited me to join the innovation class in the electronic building. After meeting with the mentor, I found that the system there was like a contract of servitude, sacrificing all of one's free time in exchange for learning resources. In other words, selling oneself in the name of learning. So, without thinking, I directly refused and left. Later, a younger student from the innovation class asked me if she felt lost and didn't know if it was worth staying. Although it was "selling oneself in the name of learning," she could still learn something, and there was still a prospect for her own development. All the members I knew from the innovation class were outstanding. If you don't have any other ideas, then stay, persevere, and you will gain something in college. Speaking of this, I am very grateful to the School of Education, the School of Computer Science, the Experimental Center, and the Network Center. They have given me many opportunities and resources, and allowed me to develop in various aspects. They didn't restrict me, they just believed in me, and I am sure I will be very successful.
In fact, no matter what path you choose, whether it's development or entrepreneurship, music or painting, as long as you have a clear goal and stick to it, you will definitely achieve something in the four years of college. And no matter what path you choose, as long as you persevere, you will succeed. I firmly believe in this. As for the path and insights of technology, I have written a lot in the past, so I won't go over them again here.
As I went further on the path of technology, other changes quietly occurred as well. During a competition in May last year, there was a disagreement within the team regarding the project proposal. I believed that participating in the competition and doing what I wanted to do was enough, and there was no need to consider anything else as long as the process was enjoyable. But some other students believed that the purpose of participating in the competition was to win, and the topics should be those most likely to win. Listening to the entrepreneurs talk on the salad entrepreneurship platform, few of them actually took action themselves. At that moment, I felt exhausted. Why am I doing technology? To entertain myself or to change the world? I felt that in the larger social environment, I couldn't achieve either of these, and it would be good enough if I wasn't changed by the world. So, everything I have pursued, is it all meaningless?
Therefore, I decided to switch to studying philosophy. Not for any other reason, just to seek a certain realm, a broad-minded and optimistic outlook on life.
There was a period of time when I felt very lonely because of the end of a relationship, and I felt that there was nothing worth pursuing in this world. Suddenly, I realized that on this distant path of progress, I have always been alone. What is warmth? What is happiness? I also want to find answers from philosophy. Perhaps, it's just to seek some comfort.
During my internship in my senior year, this semester was the period when I truly came into contact with philosophy. I would read about the history of Eastern and Western philosophy in the corridors of the elementary school where I interned every day. I don't know if it's the charm of philosophy or the charm of the children, but I feel incredibly warm. This may be the warmest three months of my life. Even though I was alone, I always felt that the world was full of sunshine and vitality. Even if the internship was difficult, even if the review was tiring, I persisted every day. Your clear eyes make me feel rich in the midst of ups and downs. This is warmth. Just as Fu Lei said, "Inherent kindness, broad-mindedness, and natural tenderness," this is where we feel warmth and happiness in our hearts.
The ideal warmth is beautiful, but it cannot be possessed forever. The moment of parting with the children is when I step onto the battlefield. However, I failed the initial postgraduate entrance examination and stayed in the hospital for a month due to excessive fatigue. I even spent the Lunar New Year in the hospital. My mood was not good. The future was uncertain, I failed the postgraduate entrance examination, I didn't want to work, and I had no fixed place to stay. Although I felt lonely every night when I fell asleep in the hospital bed, there would always be different people visiting me the next day. Perhaps, there is no need to fight for anything, it's not a big deal if I don't pass the exam, I can just take it again next year. There is nothing that can't be overcome. In fact, life is based on the tolerance and clear insight of the heart, and externally, it is about going with the flow and not competing with the world. Only then can we live each moment better, reduce conflicts, and ultimately achieve a harmonious, righteous, and natural state of life.
At this moment, everything is calm. All the honors I have received are not worth mentioning. The failures I face are not worth fearing. What I have gained is also what I have lost.
So, after being discharged from the hospital, I live a slow-paced life every day, basking in the sun, taking walks, reading books, and besides that, maybe just eating and sleeping.
But life is always mysterious. Later, I was fortunate enough to be admitted to the philosophy department of Sun Yat-sen University the day after I received the admission notice. Although Sun Yat-sen University was one of my goals, there is nothing to be happy about even if I was admitted. How the future will be, whether it will be better or mediocre, I don't know. I just need to follow my instincts and move forward.
From the science stream in high school to studying educational technology in undergraduate, and then achieving first place in the School of Education, and minoring in software engineering, everything started from scratch again. Life is truly mysterious. I don't know what I will learn and what I will do in the future. I have always been searching for the most suitable state of life for myself.
The day after I was admitted, I eagerly returned to the elementary school where I interned to see the children I couldn't forget. I know that there are a thousand ways in this world to hurt my heart, but it will never be here.
This is my four years. I have studied education, done technology, been a "web celebrity," been a teacher, studied philosophy, visited elementary schools, experienced serious illness, and met many interesting people.
Thank you Guangzhou University for everything you have given me. As I bid farewell, please allow me to sincerely say thank you to all the lovely people I have met at Guangzhou University.